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August 1, 2001

On our way home I asked A if he loved me. He said yes and asked why and I said it's hard for me to really believe that and even with friends it's hard to think wow they really want to be my friend. And he was talking about faith and I said it had nothing to do with it and I know God loves me.
He tries to fix things and preach all at the same time. So we both got upset and now I feel like screaming or hitting things. I don't know why it turned into this. It shouldn't have. It's f-ing ridiculous. Anger management in this house is non-existent. I am so tired and so PMSey and so stressed out. He can make me soo happy and soooo pissed. He acts like he is 12 a lot then he switches to being a sour old man. It's so lame. I'm sure I do that too but it's so annoying to me.
Why can't we have a family that is fun and happy? Maybe once every other month we fight, that's it. Ha! Maybe like once every other second we fight. It's a good thing I love to write or this would all be inside of me still. And then I'd explode.
I cussed.
I said the F word 4 times.
I hate that that happens when I'm so over the edge. I feel so dirty and so stupid. Like I fell into Satan's trap again.
Now he's in the same room as me in the same bed. I bet anything he'll say something in a few moments. So what? He got his time to be pissed. I do too. I'm telling you. Married life is not all it's cracked up to be.