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October 15, 2000

Tonight, on my way home, a song came on the radio that I used to think of Brett with, when I used to like him. And it saddened me so very much. I am not sure exactly why either. It was subtle. I don't even know what I'm to do. It is so hard. So hard to pretend. That is what I'm doing. I'm pretending not to care to make A happy. But I don't know how much longer I can act like it doesn't hurt that we're not friends anymore. I am so melancholy right now. Which sucks because it's almost my birthday. I'm just disappointed with life right now. Not with God, just how things are at this moment. My life is going nowhere. I am almost 20 and we make not much money and we don't know what God has in store for us. I know what I want it to be but it doesn't matter.