NOTE: If you're new here, read the ABOUT page, start at the bottom of the archive and work your way up. Words in brackets [ ] are from me to provide more info.

March 31, 2001

I shouldn't be up this late but I get to sleep in in the morning, so it's okay! I'm eight weeks and 4 days! I had my first doctor appointment on Wednesday. She's nice and next month I get to heart the heartbeat! My uterus is the size it should be for how far along I am. I am so very excited! Kai is a cute boy name, but A doesn't love it yet. It means Ocean (in Hawaiian) so...okay. Time to read the Bible and go to bed. Good night! Man, I'm such a kid still. 20 years old. wow.

March 26, 2001

I was reading a book, "Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul", and I came to the sudden realization my marriage will never be like any of those. Sure it's had a few good moments, but 90% of our almost year long situation has been hell. His temper is bad. I'm not going to deal with it.
I'm eight weeks pregnant now. Still tired and hungry! I'm excited for the baby to come.

March 19, 2001

It's a little late for me to be writing, but since I rarely write it's okay! I'm about 6 or 7 weeks now! Not showing yet. In about 2 months maybe I'll start to show. It's so weird. I'm so excited about a baby and A is so concerned about money. We're in 2 different worlds. We didn't qualify for medicaid but maybe this other thing. We'll see. I got a bunch of blood taken Friday. My right arm has a big bruise all over it from getting the blood drawn. Alright, me and my child need some sleep!

March 14, 2001

On Friday I went to a women's clinic and took another test and I am pregnant! I'm so happy! A was kind of weirded out at first but he is warming up to the idea. I can't wait to show and to be able to feel the baby! On Friday we're going to a place that will determine if we can get on medicaid, which would pay everything. I hope it will. We have to make under $1539/month. Okay. I'll write later. Thank you Lord for this awesome blessing!

March 4, 2001

[the beginning of the end]

I just took a test and it came out positive! I'm pregnant! I can't believe it! This diary is the first person I told because A doesn't want to get off of the phone. Thank you Lord! I need to find a doctor. This will be expensive, but oh well. I'm so happy! My face is like really hot because I was blushing when I found out!
How sad that I can't be telling this to A. He's so stubborn sometimes. Who this is crazy!

Did not go how I planned.
[I didn't include it in my diary because I didn't want our future kid to read it but when he got off the phone we got into a HUGE fight because he was pissed he had to get off of the phone. And he was mad I took a test and mad that I was pregnant.]