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January 12, 2001

You know what? Forget him [BJ]. You know who makes me feel beautiful, important, safe and loved more than A probably ever will? My dad. He knows my faults and still loves me. He doesn't yell unnecessarily.
When/if we have a daughter I hope A will love her like that. I can't see him ever really loving me. I don't know if he wants to.
But man...I am not sure what to do anymore. Okay. Here is my last attempt for the night to work things out. If it doesn't happen I'm going to sleep.