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October 31, 2002

I am moving out tomorrow for 30 days.
A is sick so he's sleeping in the guest room.
My last night here is lonely.
I'm sad sometimes.
I wish it didn't have to come to this. It's so hard. I hope he prays hard.
I don't want to lose him.
Sometimes I think I do, but I really don't.
30 days is such a long time.
I'm sure I'll cry and stuff and be sad all of the time but it has to be done.
His pastor told him I wasn't being submissive and stuff.
So that is what A is focusing on.
I truly believe his pastor uses some form of mind control. It's so sad.
I feel like I hate him (A) sometimes, but I don't.
I love him so much. Why, I don't know.
I hope my leaving affects him.
I want him to change.
I want us to change.
Without a miracle it won't and it's impossible.
Jesus, please help us. Please show us your way. Please let your truth shine where there is darkness, deceit or lies. Stop Satan in his tracks, oh God. Thank you for your saving love.