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March 29, 2002

This sounds sick and sad and twisted but I'm really missing BJ right now. We were at the Goldcoast and it's Rockabilly weekend. He was into that. If we were together he totally would have wanted to dress all 50's and go hang out.
I told A he should change his whole "style" and he said no. (I use "style" because you can't call what A wears style. It's more of a whatever I throw on I'll wear.)
So I miss BJ's company because if we were there  I know he'd be all crazy and stuff. We had amazing fun together. It is rare that I have fun with A. I can't remember the last time I went out with him and said, "Wow that was fun." I have a hyper personality, A is either a zombie or a 2-year-old. It sucks.
I wish I would have waited until after I was 21 to marry. Being young (w/o A) is too much fun to pass up.
I can't shake this feeling. I will ignore it once tomorrow comes, but I know that...well nevermind. Past cannot be changed and to dwell is to make myself miserable.
I just feel like crying.