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August 18, 2001

A told me to get a career. He seems to think wanting to be a mother isn't very important. He's all, "What if it doesn't happen for a couple years?" That is so awful to even ponder. No kids for a couple of years? Getting a career seems like the kiss of death. It's so final sounding and so binding.
Career = a long time
A long time = no kids
No kids = horrible
I want a baby so bad. I would give up everything to have a baby. He does not understand. At all. Why didn't we thoroughly discuss this before we got married? I wouldn't have married him. I'm so sick of all this heartache. Each time my wound is starting to make a step toward healing, it is ripped open again by angry & careless words.
I cannot stand him sometimes.

Well we talked or whatever and let me tell you the things which are bothering me.
1. I thought I'm good with kids so I need to be a mom
2. I'm not really good at anything else