November 24, 2002

I have about a week left.
I guess a week from today (Sunday) we might meet. What is going to happen? I honestly have no clue.

November 21, 2002

It's getting hard to remember what A looks like in person. Isn't that weird? I've been with him almost 4 years and I'm forgetting him.
I do not want our marriage to end.
I need God's guidance for sure.

November 11, 2002

I took  my wedding ring off. A is buying that scooter with his mommy's $700. I'm not going to be married to some boy. I want a man and a man who cares about his wife. He lives like he's single. I'm not going to be over here pining away for him. So my taking it off was a symbolic F-you, if you will.
Honestly, I do not want a divorce. But as of right now it looks like that is what's happening. I am not moving back in to face $700 debt. I will not live under his mommy's thumb.
I really love A.
I love him so much I loathe him.
Every day it becomes more apparent that this is to be a God-thing. Because nothing I or anyone else says will help. I need to read the Bible right now. Goodnight.

November 6, 2002

I was sad a couple times today but I don't know.

I feel as if he doesn't care so why should I?

I may try to shut off my emotions.

I don't know.

I may be stupid.

I'm so lost.

All I know is without a miracle it's over.